What I Learned this Week... 2/25/2017

I get to go home for Spring Break, and that is in less than three weeks.
The end of winter, at least this year, is weird. Rain, snow, thunder, hail, 70 degree temps, and back to snow.
My roommates are pretty cool, and one of them is also continuing to stay on for the next two years, so she might just be my roomie for the long haul,
Apparently, my boss thinks I am working too much.
When I try hard enough, I can actually get some studying done, I just have to go about it the right way. Schedule the time.  Go in early, have no other option but to study. Find a quiet place and continually remind myself that the more productive I am at that time, the less I have to do later.
My classmates names: Matt, Ryan, Ryan, Trish, Mary, Casey, Kaylah, Garrett, Rachel, Laura.
My therapist has bad days too...
and abuse doesn't just go away. Neither does self doubt, or feelings of neglect.
But, I am finally getting the tools I need to deal with it and move on.
Fiber is absolutely awesome (see video link below) but there are 12 different types of it, and I have to know them all.
I kick tush on nutritional biochem exam and exercise science exam.
I like grits. And West African Peanut Stew over millet. And simply roasted cauliflower.
I still dislike eggplant. Me and Shrimp = No.
I will try/eat anything you put in front of me, within reason.
There is a 4 day horse show going on while I am at home!!
Being honest is the best way to be. Ask for what you want, you just might get it.

LESSON 1: There are no shoulds in the past or the future. Only Wills and Dids. The long, twisting road is the road with the most memories and stories, so don't wish it away. The destination is still the destination, no matter how long it takes to get there.

This past week, I filmed a bunch of videos. They aren't the best quality, but its still a useful outlet, so I am going to continue to film them.

I also started doing daily yoga. Sometimes once a day, sometimes twice. Always a vinyasa/strength practice and/or a hatha/restorative practice. It is actually helping. PLUS, I am getting in 10000 a day. Its too important now to my health not to at least try.

Also, I am terrified of losing my insurance....... so anything I can do to help myself in the future and move away from so many meds and move toward fewer doctors and fewer doctor appointment is THE BEST!


Next Week
I am looking forward to Cajun Creole food, blah buster day, working a few less hours, another blog post, dinner with the roomies, no exams. And another therapy session.

One week closer to going home and seeing my puppy.

I need to find a good Thai food place. Another way to make money. Start studying for my counseling midterm. Film first cancer video.

This Week's video:

What I Learned this Week 2/11/17

Telling myself is not enough, I need to want it. Wanting something is not enough, I need to need it. Sometimes you can do everything in your power and still not succeed or be good enough for someone else. And that's okay.
I pull more hair out getting it caught in my coat zipper than in the shower. I am getting used to be cold. But there is definitely such a thing as painful cold. I am incredibly interested in Evolutionary Medicine and may incorporate it into my thesis. I have not gotten less nervous in interviews, especially ones being recorded.
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Chicken Pot Stickers with baby bok choy
HAPPY Chinese New Year!!

This past two weeks has been rough. There was no blog post last week, even though I promised in my last update video that there would be. There is no excuse. Writing these posts is cathartic for me, but I just fell down on the job. I just let myself down. There are so many things in this life that I know I could achieve for myself if I only believed it, if I only felt that I needed it, needed it enough.

I just need to believe it. I am good enough and I can do it.

Last week, I had my first full week of work at my new office. I finished training on Monday and worked for a good three hours. Then worked by myself in the office, in charge, for several hours the next day. To be honest, I do not even remember what happened the week before. It was difficult. I had no motivation and I was feeling absurdly guilty about things I had done and things I had not done.

I tend to go into my room, shut the door, and forget my responsibilities and, yet, obsess over them to the point of anxiety attacks. Money, food, classes, travel, tuition, work, medicines, doctor appointments, documentation, age. Its all too much. So I have to let it go. Right now, ignorance is bliss. I have done everything I can do to make this term go smoothly, so it is time to let myself off the hook, so I can focus on the reason I am here.

I am here to be a student and to learn. That is it.

But... (oh here it comes)
My life is not just me, and it is not just this finite set of things. I have everything to think about and I have to think about how my life and my actions impact my family and the people around me.
But...
I have to live my life. And if this stress is stopping me from being a good student who is going to become a good dietitian, than there is no point to me being here.
It is a cyclical argument.

So here I go, looking out for number 1. Lets see how long this lasts, and if it even works.

Things I tried this week: Yoga class, Chinese New Year celebrations, eggplant/egg pitas, toffuti sour cream, farro, running a disability office by myself for an afternoon, being supportive of my mom in an adult to adult sort of way, and using my fitbit again. Interviewing/counseling a patient.

Ahhh, Fitbit, how I have missed thee.

I put up one new video last week.

But, Here are a couple you might enjoy:

Crohn's Supplements video.

Imagination vs Paranoia.

Depressed and Trying to Fight it | Another Update

#rd2be #depression #anxiety #guilt